When you’re starting a private marriage and family counseling practice you have to be prepared to be in it for the long haul. As it is with any new business it takes time to make yourself known to your target clientele and to eventually get busy enough to have that business support your financial needs. With that, I obviously had to find other ways to bring in money that would still allow me the flexibility to schedule clients with little notice. The answer to that for me was to drive for Uber. I really had no idea what this was going to be like, and really didn’t give much thought to the social part of the job, but soon found out that it was just as important as safely driving from one place to another.
When a stranger gets into your car you are immediately trying to make them comfortable. You greet them and ask how their day is going, you take what comes back at you as a sign of if they want to talk or not. Figuring out if someone does not want to talk is just as important a way to make them comfortable as having something friendly and interesting to say if they do. Obviously you feel much more connected to those who choose to talk to you. I have found myself letting some folks out at the end of a ride and truly lamented that I will probably never see them again…We connected that much in a very short time.
This process of “quickly connecting” with a total stranger in an Uber car has distinct similarities to being a professional therapist. Just about the first thing we are taught in graduate school is that you can’t even begin to work with a client until you have established a “therapeutic alliance” with them. A therapeutic alliance is nothing more than a fancy label for getting to know someone and having them feel comfortable with you. How could you possibly expect someone to talk to you about their deepest concerns unless they can feel like they trust you at some basic level? The trust portion of this alliance asks that you make the therapy room a safe place for them, a place where they can be open and honest with their feelings and not feel judged or condemned by you, their partner, or from another family member who may also be in the room.
As a family therapist I pride myself on being able to develop an alliance with just about anyone. This skill is not about trying to be friends with everyone I meet, but rather allowing myself to truly understand where the client is coming from allowing them to feel heard. Meeting people where they are instead of expecting them to be where you, or someone else in their life, would like them to be. I liken this process to helping someone escape from a deep dark cave. I can’t stand at the opening of the cave and talk you out, I have to tether myself to the outside world while I come in and meet you. Once I’m firmly with you, we will make our way out together.
Richard Tifft, M.A. (IMT #2482) is a professional Marriage and Family Therapist Intern working in Clearwater Florida. My passion is helping good people save their struggling marriages and allowing love to go the distance. RichardTifftMA.com
To schedule with Richard call 727-223-1625
